Rest in peace, my love...

In March of this year, I celebrated my 40th birthday. I had quit biting my nails, I had lost nearly 80 pounds and generally speaking, life was oh so good! I was enjoying a very liberating time of life! The summer was filled with memory-making camping trips, everyone was healthy and we all seemed to be filled with much happiness! But life has its own agenda. When you least expect it, tragedy strikes.


On August 5th, the world lost a wonderful person. My beloved husband, Dean, left us. Unexpectedly, tragically...very, very sadly. He was an amazing person and the loss of him has been and will be felt for many years by very many people.

Smart, hilarious, fun-loving, affectionate, loving...there are SOOO many adjectives I could use to describe him! At the top of the list, though, is EXCELLENT father! I know none better, nor probably ever will! His girls were his life and everything he did was ulitimately for them! My girls will always know their father as a hero! That is my goal in life, to keep him at the forefront of their thoughts, to make them remember the wonderful Daddy he truly was!

And I would be remiss to not remember him myself as a wonderful husband! As in all marriages, we had our issues to overcome, but in the grand scheme of life, those issues are now all unimportant, insignificant, completely and utterly meaningless! He loved me dearly and I loved him even more! My heart aches when I remember that I'll never see him again, that he'll never see his girls again, that he'll be missing out on everything this life has to offer!

I never imagined just how hard picking out a casket for your 42 year old husband could be, and I found myself unable to do it! Dean and I had discussed many things, final death arrangements being one of those. He and I both agreed that the ridiculous amount of money spent on final arrangements is SO not needed!! In the end, I gave way to my inlaws. His parents made the decisions and I paid the bill. All I can say is, thank goodness for life insurance! When it is my turn to depart this world, my decisions have been written down and paid for, so my children will not feel the need to spend a lot of money to "prove" to the world how much they loved me. Ah, well...water under the bridge...

So far, we've managed Halloween and Luci's birthday without him. Christmas will come and go as well and life continues to march on despite the tragedies. I have always had a pretty good coping mechanism no matter what was thrown at me and this is no different. The girls seem to have adjusted well and that was my only concern. So the only thing left to do is pick myself up, dust myself off and keep moving forward. Through these past 4 months, I have found out who my true friends are! They are the BEST group of people I have ever met and I am blessed beyond belief to have them all in my life! With their help along with the help of mine and Dean's families, the girls and I have managed to emerge from the shock nearly none the worse for wear! And I have every hope of a bright and happy future for the three of us! We feel Dean's presence around us daily and are hopeful that he is proud of the job we're doing...I'm sure he is!

Miss you like crazy, Dean! I love you, today, tomorrow...forever! Until we meet again...

Quotes:

Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean.~David Searls

To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die. ~Thomas Campbell

Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death. ~unknown